Good morning, my brothers! A couple of weeks ago, I nearly walked away from a book God asked me to write. The guilt almost won. Are you letting guilt crush you, too? Let’s go! 4-min, 46-sec read.

Listen to the audio version here:

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Charles Dickens opened A Tale of Two Cities with those words, and they’ve been ringing in my head these last months while I’ve been writing my first book.

It’s been encouraging to remember God’s faithfulness through every season of my life. It’s also been hard to unpack the details of my sin and my stupidity, and what both of them cost the people around me.

The Week That Wrecked Me

A couple of weeks ago, I had a “worst of times” week. Between the writing, the editing, and the feedback I received, I came face to face with the harm my past sin had caused the people I’ve loved the most. There were a few days I was wrecked with guilt and shame, questioning whether I should release the book at all.

I asked God to show me clearly whether this was of Him. I prayed Psalm 139:23-24 repeatedly, asking Him to search my heart and see if there was anything offensive in me. For a few days He was quiet, and He let me stay in the silence.

Then He spoke through two men. One was a close friend from my hometown, Jess, who happens to subscribe to this newsletter (Hi, Jess!). The other was a man I’ll probably never meet but learn from almost every week, John Piper.

A Friend’s Simple Question

I called Jess that Thursday, in the middle of my funk, to check on him. He’d been dealing with some health issues. We talked about his illness for a while, and then, the way he always does, Jess turned it around and asked how I was doing.

I told him the truth. The guilt, the shame, the debate going on inside me over whether to keep going with the book.

Jess asked me one simple question. Did I believe I was doing what God had called me to do in writing it? I answered honestly. “Yes.”

“Then you have to be obedient to what God is calling you to do,” he said. What followed was one of the better conversations I’ve had all year about the cost of following Christ in obedience.

There are times when we hear from the Lord, step out in faith, and get hit hard by the enemy. His attack on me stemmed from my guilt after receiving the feedback. The feedback itself was harsh, but good and necessary, and it forced me to look honestly at how I’d hurt people. Then it snowballed into paralysis.

It wasn’t the person giving me the feedback who tied me up in guilt. It was the enemy who used it to shut me down. When we step out in obedience and do a hard thing, we ought to expect that, and we can walk right into it confident that God equips, sustains, and strengthens every one of us for what He’s asked us to do.

After that call with Jess, I shook off the paralysis and got back to work on the book. But in the back of my mind, the shame kept hammering.

Enter John Piper

Last Saturday I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep. I picked up my phone and went looking for a podcast to quiet my mind. Like I usually do, I scrolled through Ask Pastor John.

And there it was. Five days earlier they’d released an episode called “Your Regrets Cannot Ruin You.” I knew I had to listen.

Piper reminded me that God, in His mercy, has wiped away all my sin. Past, present, and future. Then he put the whole weight of it on one sentence Paul wrote:

Think about who wrote that. Saul, who became Paul, had ruined people’s lives. He sentenced men and women to prison and to death, boasted about it, and set out to destroy the early church. He never pretended otherwise:

That’s the man telling us there is no condemnation. The worst of sinners, writing with complete confidence, about you and me.

It is finished. Jesus’ final words from the cross hold true for us today. Every sin we have already committed, and every one we haven’t committed yet, was nailed there, and our punishment was carried by our Savior.

Gone. All of it, forgiven, every ounce of the guilt placed on Christ. We’ve been completely cleansed in His blood.

Then Piper said something which resonated deeply. “It isn’t past sins that will condemn a Christian. It’s not believing those past sins are forgiven.”

My brother, what past sin are you still dragging around like a thousand-pound weight? Whatever it is, it’s burdening you toward paralysis and making you less useful for the cause of Christ. You don’t have to carry it anymore. Release it. Jesus already paid that price, for you and for me.

What About Them?

Here’s the part I couldn’t get past. I hurt people. Deeply. Maybe you have too, and if so, you know that being forgiven doesn’t erase what someone else is still carrying because of you.

Piper closed his podcast with a distinction that set me free. Regret and guilt are not the same thing.

Regret is the proper response. He suggests we’d be “callous and coldhearted” if we felt nothing for the hurt we’ve caused in the wake of our own folly. It’s painful, and it’s a consequence of our sin. But we can’t let it paralyze us.

Godly regret never fully goes away, and it isn’t supposed to. It’s meant to lead us somewhere. Into humility, into deeper love for the people we’ve hurt, and into surrender to the Holy Spirit so we stop making the same mistakes over and over.

Guilt asks me to pay a debt Jesus already paid. Regret asks me to love the people my sin cost.

Change Needed

My wife was the last helper God used in this. She agreed the feedback was right and that parts of the book needed to change.

After I shared Piper’s podcast with her, she walked me through a number of edits. Changes that own my sin more personally and say more plainly that I haven’t arrived.

So I’m walking forward. Still carrying the regret, but not the guilt. Still loving the people I’ve hurt, humbly and appropriately, and trusting the Holy Spirit to keep healing all of us.

How about you, my brother? What are you still carrying that Jesus already carried for you?

Reflection and Action This Week

1. What thousand-pound weight are you still dragging along that Jesus already died for?

2. Who did your sin cost, and what would humble, appropriate love look like toward that person this week?

3. What changes do you need to make in your mind and heart to walk boldly where the Lord is leading?

 Father, thank You that there is no condemnation left for me. Help me believe that this morning, and not just agree with it. Where I’ve hurt people, keep my regret tender and keep my heart humble. Give me the courage to walk forward in what You’ve asked me to do, carrying Your grace instead of my guilt.

 -Will

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