✝️ God saved me from becoming an angry old man

Good morning, my brothers! We’ve all seen the angry old man stereotype … funny until we feel that same rot creeping into our own souls. Anger doesn’t make men stronger with age; it makes us smaller, lonelier, and more miserable. Scripture points us instead to peace, teaching us to release bitterness so we ripen, not spoil, as we grow older. My colleague at MTM, Jeremy Zimmerman, shares his journey into bitterness and how God gave him an offramp to transforming grace. Let’s go!

This week’s manly topics (6-min read):

🌲 GROWTH Archie Bunker. Fred Sanford. Homer Simpson. Funny to watch but an awful way to live … and definitely not God’s intention for Christian men as they age. But what to do with all of the frustrations and resentments?
📰  NEWS “Exercise snacking” - no, it’s not eating nachos while bowling. It’s a simple strength training program you can do at home and is perfect for guys getting started in recovering muscular strength.
🎁 OFFER 1440 News returns to offer the MTM fraternity their free, daily news service (plus weekend deep dives that are really interesting!)

GROWTH
The Monster in the Mirror

I saw the man I was becoming reflected in my daughter’s eyes, and it terrified me.

She was 25, living with my wife and me while rebuilding her life after a personal crisis. I should have been her safe harbor, the steady father who’d always been her anchor. Instead, that afternoon in our kitchen, I became something I’d never been before: a source of fear.

The previous few years had been brutal. My career had collapsed, and at my age, few companies wanted to hire someone with experience. They preferred younger workers who wouldn’t challenge the status quo. I’d spent a miserable year unloading trucks at an Amazon warehouse, working harder than I ever had for less money than I’d ever made. Despite learning to drive forklifts, training new employees, and taking every extra shift available, I applied for more than 40 internal positions … crickets.

A former client threw me a lifeline with a six-month project, but corporate bureaucracy killed it. I became a substitute teacher, managing 60 assignments before my temporary contract expired. My father was dying, my marriage was strained, our finances were drying up. The water company shut off our service for a couple days because we couldn’t pay the bill.

I was drowning, and my daughter’s approach to job hunting, her need to “take care of herself” (while I was metaphorically drowning with people depending on me) had become a source of grinding frustration.

I don’t remember exactly what triggered our kitchen encounter that afternoon. But I remember the shock and fear that flashed across her face when I responded to something she said with a gruff, hostile attitude I’d never shown her before … not even during her most challenging teenage years.

She recoiled and left the room. I stood there, stunned by what I’d become.

This was my daughter, whom I loved fiercely. My family had always been my priority, and they knew it. But in that moment, I saw the truth: my bitterness wasn’t just hurting me: it was separating me from the people I cherished most. The loving, wise father I’d tried to be for decades was being erased by the bitter, angry man I was becoming.

That would be my legacy if I didn’t change course.

Adam’s Anger at His Cursed Life

Every man carries within him an echo of Eden … a sense that he was made for something grander than what he experiences daily. This isn’t a juvenile fantasy but theological reality: the first man was created in God’s image as His crowning creative act, designed to walk with his  Creator in perfect fellowship, to exercise meaningful stewardship, to protect and provide in a world that responded to their care.

Then came the fall, and with it a curse that strikes at the heart of our masculine sense of purpose: “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you ... By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food.”

This is why the frustrations of daily life cut so deep. Men, especially those who share a Biblical worldview, carry an intuitive sense of grand calling that they were made to protect, provide, and give their lives in meaningful service to others. But what we experience instead is the futility that comes with living on the sin-devastated side of existence. The gap between calling and reality widens as we age, and that disparity becomes a significant contributor to the frustrations and resentments that fuel our anger.

When we’re young, these frustrations evaporate like the morning dew. We believe hard work will overcome obstacles, that persistence will eventually triumph, that we can build lives worthy of our calling. But as years pass, disappointments become evidence of deeper disappointments: we are not going to realize the grandeur we imagined when we were young.

Compound that with the mountain of unmet relational expectations that grow higher and heavier with each passing year. What starts as minor annoyances becomes evidence of malice.

The idealism of youth gives way to the cynicism of experience, and we find ourselves becoming the very thing we once ridiculed: the angry old man.

This anger operates on two distinct frequencies, both equally destructive. The first is the anger of accumulated frustration: the explosion that comes when we’ve simply had enough of fighting against the “thorns and thistles” in our relationships (notably our marriages.) The second is the anger of nursed resentment: the calculated revenge that emerges when we decide others must pay for the futility we experience.

Both paths lead to the same destination: isolation, bitterness, and the destruction of the very relationships that could provide meaning in a God-cursed world.

Moses at Meribah: When Frustration Explodes

Moses understood frustration like few men in history. For forty years, he led a people who seemed determined to forget every miracle God had performed for them. No sooner had the Red Sea dried behind them than they were complaining about food. When God provided manna, they complained about water. When God provided water, they complained about the food.

In Exodus 17, facing the people’s grumbling about water, God told Moses to strike a rock. Moses obeyed, water gushed forth, and the people were satisfied … temporarily.

Decades later, in Numbers 20, the scene repeated itself with soul-crushing familiarity. The people complained about water in almost identical words. But this time, God’s instruction was different: “Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water.”

Moses had just buried his sister Miriam. He was emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and facing the same ungrateful complaints he'd heard for four decades. Something snapped.

“Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?” Moses railed. Then he struck the rock (twice) with his staff. Water gushed out as before, but God’s response was swift and severe: “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”

Moses’s moment of frustration-fueled anger cost him the one thing he’d spent forty years working toward: entering the Promised Land. The man who spoke with God face to face discovered that even he was not exempt from the consequences of uncontrolled rage.

Joab’s Cold Revenge: When Resentment Kills

Where Moses’s anger burned hot and fast, Joab’s anger burned cold and calculating. During a battle between David’s forces and those loyal to Saul’s heir, Joab’s brother Asahel pursued the enemy commander Abner. Despite Abner’s warnings to break off the chase, Asahel pressed on until Abner killed him in self-defense: a legitimate act of war.

But Joab couldn’t let it go. He nursed his grief until it curdled into something darker. When Abner later came to David seeking peace and the reunification of Israel, Joab saw his chance. He lured Abner aside “as if to speak with him privately” and thrust a dagger into his belly.

David’s response revealed the moral distinction: “I and my kingdom are forever innocent before the Lord concerning the blood of Abner son of Ner. May his blood fall on the head of Joab and on his whole family!”

Joab’s resentment-fueled murder didn’t bring his brother back. It didn’t even satisfy his desire for revenge … it only added guilt to his grief and ultimately cost him his own life when Solomon had him executed years later.

God’s Anger ≠ Man’s Anger

Scripture treats anger not as inherently evil but as inherently dangerous. “Be angry and do not sin,” Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26, acknowledging that anger itself can be righteous. When Jesus cleansed the temple, His anger was justified because it was directed at injustice and dishonor to God.

But human anger operates by different mathematics than divine anger. Where God’s anger is perfectly calibrated to serve justice, ours is distorted by pride, selfishness, and incomplete understanding. As James warns, “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

The longer we hold onto anger, the more it distorts our perception. What begins as legitimate frustration metastasizes into bitterness that “grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15). We become walking patient zeroes, poisoning every relationship we touch.

Spoil or Ripen: Three Ways to Boot Bitterness

The pattern of anger that threatens to define our later years is not inevitable. Scripture provides clear guidance for men who recognize themselves in Moses’s frustration, Joab’s resentment, or that moment in my kitchen when I saw what I was becoming.

First, plug into God’s power daily. The single thing that made the biggest difference in my heart and mind since that kitchen encounter was recovering the habit of daily Bible reading and prayer. Just a chapter or two at the start of each day, followed by a walk outside during which I converse with God (like Adam did in the garden before the fall.) Spending time in His presence and making His words the first to influence my mind has become my daily recharge session.

Funny story: I didn't tell my wife I’d restarted this routine, but a couple months later she asked, “Are you doing something different with your exercise or something?” She’d noticed the difference: a lightness in my mood, more diligence around the house. She always knew I loved her, but now she felt it differently. Investing that time each day in God’s presence was changing me in ways that won her admiration and respect, reducing the frictions that used to create distance between us.

Second, refuse to let the sun go down on your anger. Paul’s command in Ephesians 4:26 contains practical wisdom: harbored anger ferments like garbage in August heat. The resentment you nurse today becomes the bitterness that destroys your relationships tomorrow. When someone offends you, deal with it quickly either by confronting the issue directly or by releasing it to God. Don’t let it establish a beachhead in your heart. Remember, that person (maybe your beautiful wife) is a bewildered, suffering sinner just like you. 

Third, make your expectations explicit. James 4:2 diagnoses the source of many frustrations with painful precision: “You do not have, because you do not ask.” How many conflicts in our relationships (your marriage) stem from expectations we have but have not expressed?

The solution requires courage and humility: clearly communicate what you need and want. You might face rejection, but you might also be surprised at others’ willingness to accommodate clear requests. Either way, you’ll respect yourself for behaving like a man instead of sulking  like a child over not having your unexpressed expectations satisfied.

Active Faith, not Passive Resignation

The alternative to anger is not passive resignation but active trust that God is aware and is in control. When Moses struck the rock in frustration, he was essentially saying, “God, You would be more frustrated if you knew these wretched people!” When Joab murdered Abner in revenge, he was saying, “God, I do not want to wait for your justice.”

Both men forgot a basic truth: God sees what they cannot see and knows what they do not know. The entitled child, the difficult spouse, the unappreciative employer (or employee) or crippling circumstances that seem impervious to prayer …. all are part of a larger story whose ending we haven’t read yet.

This doesn't mean we resign ourselves to suffer like fate’s whipping boy: You have an active role to play in God’s story. You are a man and likely a husband and father. That means the welfare of those in your orbit depends on your spiritual vitality. Just as Israel's health depended on David's condition, so the spiritual condition of your family (and friends) in large measure depends on you.

That has been my experience. Two years after that kitchen encounter, my daughter and I have rebuilt our relationship. My marriage is stronger than it’s been in years in spite of the external pressures not changing much. I can feel God’s grace working through me to bless my family and those around me … which is not to say I don’t struggle with anger from time to time (when I watch the news!) But bitterness, resentment, hostility and anger are no longer my brand … grace, joy and wisdom are.

How about you, friend? Do frustrations and resentments dominate your thoughts and predispose you to irritability and anger? Is it becoming harder to express anything but hostility?  

You can’t change your circumstances and you can’t change the people around you overnight. But you can take action right now (and daily) to reverse course and become the conduit of grace and wisdom God intends you to be.

Receive Honest News Today

Join over 4 million Americans who start their day with 1440 – your daily digest for unbiased, fact-centric news. From politics to sports, we cover it all by analyzing over 100 sources. Our concise, 5-minute read lands in your inbox each morning at no cost. Experience news without the noise; let 1440 help you make up your own mind. Sign up now and invite your friends and family to be part of the informed.

Sign up today!

THIS JUST IN
📣 NEWS FROM AROUND THE WEB 📣

Training
“Physical training is of some value …” 1 Timothy 4:8

Our weekly harping about building muscle has finally worn you down and you are ready to get started. Should you join a gym? Eventually, but new research reveals a low-risk, low-intensity resistance training method you can do at home that is perfect for older men ... all you need is a body.

A recent University of Bath study tested “exercise snacking” on 20 older adults (average age 72) who weren’t doing regular exercise. The results? After just four weeks, participants showed a 31% improvement in sit-to-stand performance, 6% increase in leg power, and measurable muscle growth.

The program consists of five bodyweight exercises performed twice daily: once in the morning, once in the evening. Each “snack” takes just 10 minutes: one minute of each exercise with one minute of rest between. The exercises are:

1. sit-to-stands from a chair,

2. seated knee extensions (alternating legs),

3. standing knee bends (alternating legs),

4. marching in place,

5. and standing calf raises.

Participants aimed for maximum repetitions during each minute but could hold a chair for balance during standing exercises. The beauty? No weights, no gym membership, and just and 20 minutes spread across your day. Start here, then add the gym later when you're ready to level up. Courtesy Journal of Aging Research